A Quiet Ask, In Loving Memory of Paul D. Cable
Hello friends,
I write to you today for a quite unfortunate reason. And I need to do something that is hard for me... I need to ask you to pray for me.
Yesterday morning I woke up to a text from my cousin in Pensylvania informing me that my dad had gone into a coma and would not be waking up. He had been in the hospital for about a week, the day before the doctors actually told him he had 6 months to live if he stayed away from alcohol, he needed a new liver to survive and his long-term alcoholism kind of took him out of the UNOS drawing pool. But he took a turn for the worst overnight and his liver and all other major organs failed and his body shut down and he fell asleep and the doctors were pretty certain he wouldn't wake up.
At 4:12pm yesterday I got a call from my mom, my dad had died a half hour beforehand.
I am very closed off, asking this of anyone is tough for me, but since coming to the Lord I am realizing more and more that we cannot simply rely on our own understanding, and I fully believe that not only do we need God but we need other people, surrounding us in prayer, and that my friends, that is my quiet ask of you.
I ask you to simply pray... pray for the fact that I am overseas right now and not able to be with my family, pray for healing as I mourn the death of my father, pray for my dad's side of the family as my grandfather died only a few days before I left to come here, pray for my sister because she has to go through this without me, without her sister. Pray for my father, that he by the grace of God made it into Heaven, and thank God for the years he did get to spend here on earth and the memories he gets to leave behind.
My father and I's relationship throughout the past few years has not been a good one. When I was little, he was very very abusive to especially my mother but me as well. After my parents divorced, for quite some time I didn't realize he was such a horrible person. I didn't realize that the things I was doing weren't wrong and that the pain he was inflicting wasn't what I deserved. But one night, things got out of hand, and I like to believe it was God's timing, but I finally after 15 years realized how horrible my father was to me and I realized that I deserved better.
I haven't been on speaking terms with my father for about 2 years or so. A few weeks ago he stopped paying child support and dropped my sister and I's insurance. He never gave me congratulations on graduating from high school and never called to wish me a happy 18th birthday. When I called him a few weeks ago to tell him of my mission in France, he was not happy for me but rather pitied himself and ridiculed me for not dropping everything to take care of him.
I could spend hours convincing you of the reasons for my broken relationship with my father and I know there are some of you who are reading this and are probably thinking I am wrong in not obtaining a relationship with him while he was sick, but not one single person except for me and my sister understand what it's like to be on the other side of his stick. My father has caused me years of emotional trauma. I have had to go through intensive rebuilding processes and really truly delve deep into my self and find confidence in myself because on a daily basis I dealt with him cursing my name and telling me how worthless I was. It took me until just a few years ago to realize that only does my worth comes from God and I am renewed in that.
All that being said, my father is still my father and no matter what he has done, I will always love him. And I am deeply deeply saddened by his death. And I hope you all know that. I ask you to pray for me that I don't feel any guilt, his death was not my fault though sometimes I feel guilty for not working harder to bring him to the Lord. But its only God who saves. This is so hard for me and my family, especially with me being overseas but God has blessed me with a wonderful family here who prayed with me, comforted me and made me cookie dough. I have already received calls and texts from close friends back home, and they have been the sweetest things ever. And it's because of them that I truly know everything will be okay.
Friends, I want you to know how hard it is for me to open up about things in general, but especially this. I hardly ever told anyone about my abusive father.
I believe there is a reason my father passed while I was overseas. I truly believe God's timing is perfect and had he wanted me to be there, I would have been. I think in some ways it is a major blessing to be over here. I also believe in a good God, who works all things for the good of those who love him, and though I cannot see it now, I know He will work good of this situation. He already has.
Ah my goodness, it's been an eventful 24hours,but friends, please pray and please know how much I appreciate each and every one of you and know that I thank God for the fact that I have so many people supporting me and that I ask him to bless you all on a daily basis. I love you all, brothers and sisters, will all of my heart and I thank you so much for your prayers.
I write to you today for a quite unfortunate reason. And I need to do something that is hard for me... I need to ask you to pray for me.
Yesterday morning I woke up to a text from my cousin in Pensylvania informing me that my dad had gone into a coma and would not be waking up. He had been in the hospital for about a week, the day before the doctors actually told him he had 6 months to live if he stayed away from alcohol, he needed a new liver to survive and his long-term alcoholism kind of took him out of the UNOS drawing pool. But he took a turn for the worst overnight and his liver and all other major organs failed and his body shut down and he fell asleep and the doctors were pretty certain he wouldn't wake up.
At 4:12pm yesterday I got a call from my mom, my dad had died a half hour beforehand.
I am very closed off, asking this of anyone is tough for me, but since coming to the Lord I am realizing more and more that we cannot simply rely on our own understanding, and I fully believe that not only do we need God but we need other people, surrounding us in prayer, and that my friends, that is my quiet ask of you.
I ask you to simply pray... pray for the fact that I am overseas right now and not able to be with my family, pray for healing as I mourn the death of my father, pray for my dad's side of the family as my grandfather died only a few days before I left to come here, pray for my sister because she has to go through this without me, without her sister. Pray for my father, that he by the grace of God made it into Heaven, and thank God for the years he did get to spend here on earth and the memories he gets to leave behind.
My father and I's relationship throughout the past few years has not been a good one. When I was little, he was very very abusive to especially my mother but me as well. After my parents divorced, for quite some time I didn't realize he was such a horrible person. I didn't realize that the things I was doing weren't wrong and that the pain he was inflicting wasn't what I deserved. But one night, things got out of hand, and I like to believe it was God's timing, but I finally after 15 years realized how horrible my father was to me and I realized that I deserved better.
I haven't been on speaking terms with my father for about 2 years or so. A few weeks ago he stopped paying child support and dropped my sister and I's insurance. He never gave me congratulations on graduating from high school and never called to wish me a happy 18th birthday. When I called him a few weeks ago to tell him of my mission in France, he was not happy for me but rather pitied himself and ridiculed me for not dropping everything to take care of him.
I could spend hours convincing you of the reasons for my broken relationship with my father and I know there are some of you who are reading this and are probably thinking I am wrong in not obtaining a relationship with him while he was sick, but not one single person except for me and my sister understand what it's like to be on the other side of his stick. My father has caused me years of emotional trauma. I have had to go through intensive rebuilding processes and really truly delve deep into my self and find confidence in myself because on a daily basis I dealt with him cursing my name and telling me how worthless I was. It took me until just a few years ago to realize that only does my worth comes from God and I am renewed in that.
All that being said, my father is still my father and no matter what he has done, I will always love him. And I am deeply deeply saddened by his death. And I hope you all know that. I ask you to pray for me that I don't feel any guilt, his death was not my fault though sometimes I feel guilty for not working harder to bring him to the Lord. But its only God who saves. This is so hard for me and my family, especially with me being overseas but God has blessed me with a wonderful family here who prayed with me, comforted me and made me cookie dough. I have already received calls and texts from close friends back home, and they have been the sweetest things ever. And it's because of them that I truly know everything will be okay.
Friends, I want you to know how hard it is for me to open up about things in general, but especially this. I hardly ever told anyone about my abusive father.
I believe there is a reason my father passed while I was overseas. I truly believe God's timing is perfect and had he wanted me to be there, I would have been. I think in some ways it is a major blessing to be over here. I also believe in a good God, who works all things for the good of those who love him, and though I cannot see it now, I know He will work good of this situation. He already has.
Ah my goodness, it's been an eventful 24hours,but friends, please pray and please know how much I appreciate each and every one of you and know that I thank God for the fact that I have so many people supporting me and that I ask him to bless you all on a daily basis. I love you all, brothers and sisters, will all of my heart and I thank you so much for your prayers.
IN LOVING MEMORY
Paul Douglas Cable, December 30, 1959 - November 11, 2017
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